A Letter to Myself a Year Ago

Life will get better. It’s hard to believe at this moment when the IV pump won’t stop beeping and nurses keep waking you up for meds/vitals, but your quality of life will improve. 

Things are scary right now, and sometimes it doesn’t seem like you will make it.  And, if you’re being really honest, that thought can be oddly comforting. Because in that scenario, the pain would end. But please, keep fighting, imagine better times. Lean into your support people and let yourself get excited about the little things. 

Clinging to those little, seemingly insignificant moments of joy is what will get you through this. Laughing when formula spills or another IV infiltrates, telling jokes to your techs, reading to escape reality, and smiling when its shift change and you get one of your favorite nurses are what’s going to help you stay hopeful throughout this dark time. 

It’s crazy how much a year can change. You’ll still have days where you spend the whole day in bed with an ice pack and heating pad and feel like your life is passing you by, but that won’t always be your every day. This surgery will help you! Not only will you be able to sit upright in a wheelchair, you will be able to WALK again! It’s hard and everything hurts, but please keep fighting for a better life.